"My son left school at the summer break. He is joining the army in November and I find myself wishing the time away. I am really at my wits end with him. He does as he likes and has no respect for his father or myself. He seems to go around the house littering everywhere with his belongings .I am fed up taking dirty dishes out of his bedroom. If I did not take his clothes and put them in the laundry, he would have nothing clean to wear. His bedroom is chaotic and I wonder what his friends think of how he chooses to live? When I speak to him about things--which is all the time--he becomes more offensive or walks out claiming I am nagging. He has not tried to get work so far to fill in his time and I seem to be constantly handing out money!"
So, you have reacted in the way that a lot of people do when they are faced with adult children behaving in this way. You have complained but have not taken advantage of online parenting classes. I am not too surprised that his behavior has continued. You have given him little reason to change.
As you would discover in online parenting classes, now it is time to show him what the consequences of his behavior will be if he doesn't make some changes. You will be doing him a big favor, as the army will come down very hard on him if he is still functioning in this way come November.
1. To start, tell him what is going to happen if the desired changes do not come into effect. One change you will make is following the guidelines of online parenting classes.
2. Let him realize that you cannot be relied upon to do everything for him.
3. Remind him that he has left school, -he is sixteen and he must now behave in an adult way accepting the responsibility for his own behavior.
4. Remember this is his home but it is your house and he has to live by the rules you set out. This is a lesson he will learn throughout the years.
CONSEQUENTIAL LEARNING occurs when people learn from their own behavior.
Stop talking and take ACTION. My suggestions to you are:
1.Make the rule that he eats meals at the table as a family. This allows opportunity for interaction essential in maintaining relationships. This is a fundamental step endorsed by online parenting classes.
2.Until he brings his dirty plates down and washes them do not prepare his meals. Tell him this will happen. Do not allow him to do this for himself. Lock the kitchen if you need to. Also, don't pick up his dirty clothes. Tell him you are putting a laundry bin in his room and say that unless clothes are in this you will not wash them. These steps towards personal responsibility are basic tenets of online parenting classes.
3.He won't look for work to earn money if he has a ready cash machine in you! If he has no money to buy the things he needs or to socialize with friends, he may gain the motivation to get a job. Meanwhile, you will spend your funds on online parenting classes.
4.Be prepared to be tested. The atmosphere at home may well become tenser in the short term as he tries you out. Always be consistent in what you do and if you make threats, carry them out.