But for the most part, I was fine being a single mom for one reason: I didn't have to compromise with anyone or to consider ideas and advice from a divorce parenting class about how to raise my child. I knew he would never be spanked; that he would be raised in a positive, loving environment; that he would be taught my spiritual beliefs; that he would disciplined in appropriate ways.
Being a single parent, with or without a co-parent, is a special challenge, but less so than a divorce parenting class. Following, you will find two sets of single-parenting strategies, one for each type of single parent. Taking the time to implement strategies one at a time gives you and your children the space to get used to new ways of being. Try them on, see how they work for you, tweak them as necessary and create the family of your dreams!
Strategies for Non-Resident Co-Parents
o Respect: No matter what your personal relationship with your co-parent (and, perhaps, his or her spouse) looks like; you must speak about him or her with respect in front of your children. If you need to vent, call a friend or your mom, read up on a divorce parenting class, or talk to the dog, but never, never disparage your child's parent. There must be something good about your co-parent, so focus on that and let the other stuff go. Remember, you will always, for the rest of your lives, be co-parents, so you might as well make the best of it.
o Common Ground: The most successful co-parenting teams work together to make sure that the children are getting the same type of discipline and support at both homes. This is one of the principles of a good divorce parenting class. One of the best ways to do this is to define your values and use them as a guidepost for both homes. Write them down, make a poster or collage and hang it in each home. The more consistency your child has, the happier she will be.
o Scheduling: The co-parent schedule can be a nightmare to establish and keep up with. For a child who is commuting between two homes, having a regular schedule, with both parents attending special events, is key. The same is true for parents in a divorce parenting class
and their children. No matter how it works, make it work, so that your child has a predictable, straightforward schedule and never has to guess where he will be and who will be taking care of him.
Remember, being a single parent may be challenging, but it's also a wonderful adventure!
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