You are leaving home today. I keep repeating that statement over and over in my mind, trying to understand what it means. I have had your lifetime to prepare for this, sometimes wanting it to come quickly and sometimes hoping this day would never come. Most of the time though, I have been preparing myself and preparing you, by madly gathering life's questions and answers in the hope that I haven't forgotten anything. I keep revising the list inside my head; checking off all the things I know I've already told you - so many times. This topic can be further explored with parenting classes online.

As tempting as it is to slip a few of the big ones into a casual conversation I correct myself and let it go. An image of your face appears before me and I see your eyes look upward and your mouth tighten with that expression of yours that we both know so well. "Mum I know - you have told me a hundred times already." This topic can be further explored with parenting classes online.

Well, you know me well enough to expect a letter tucked away in your luggage with just a couple of pages of instructions about 'keeping yourself safe and healthy'. You might even expect to find food in there, a little treat to keep you going. And lots of XXX's scribbled on a note like noisy kisses on your bare belly. This topic can be further explored with parenting classes online.

Protecting you and preparing you has been such a big part of who I am - it's hard to redefine myself and accept that my job is done. This topic can be further explored with parenting classes online.

I remind myself that this is about you, but as usual, here I am making it about me again. Slightly neurotic, I find myself wanting to explain or apologize or gain some kind of absolution from you. I want to go back into your history and call myself to your attention and wipe the slate clean of all my mistakes. I do admit that I have been selfish and hypocritical at times, and I don't want you to leave now thinking it was your fault or that you didn't deserve better. This topic can be further explored with parenting classes online.

I have such an urge to tell you of promises I made, as you slept below my heart all those years ago. So very real and profound to me and so intense I'm sure I'd weep if I even tried to tell you. You of course, would shift from one leg to the other and endure my disclosure with discomfort and impatience. This topic can be further explored with parenting classes online.

When you leave today, I will light an imaginary candle and place it on the window-sill. Think about it, if you wander into shadows or if you need to lighten up. Let it always be your beacon. And all in all, there are only two things left to say to you, "I am proud of you and I love you."

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