Parenting Class Online - Father's Feeling

As a new dad, your role is no less complicated than your wife’s. No, you didn’t have to carry the baby for nine months, but you did have to make adjustments physically and emotionally as the due date approached and preparations for the baby became all important. On one hand, you may have felt as if you had nothing to do with this birth; but on the other, this is very much your baby, too.

Parenting Class Online on Father’s feelings

When the baby finally arrived, you may have been tremendously relieved as well as excited and somewhat awed. In witnessing your baby’s birth, feelings of commitment and love may have surfaced that you had worried you might never feel for this child. You also may experience a greater admiration and love for your wife than you ever felt before. At the same time, contemplating the responsibility of caring for this child for the next twenty years can be more than a little unnerving.

So how should you deal with all these conflicting emotions? The best approach is to become as actively involved in fathering as possible. For example, depending on the hospital and your own schedule, you may be able to room in with mother and/or child until it’s time to take the baby home. This will help you feel less like a bystander and more like a key participant. You’ll get to know your baby right from the start. It also will allow you to share an intense emotional experience with your wife.

Parenting Class Online - The new family at home

Once the entire family is home, you can—and should—help feed (if bottle fed), diaper, bathe, and comfort your baby. Contrary to old-fashioned stereotypes, these jobs are not exclusively “woman’s work.” They are wonderful opportunities for all of you—mother, father, and even older siblings—to get to know and love this new family member.

Parenting Class Online - Time for each other

This can be a very stressful time for parenting couples. It’s almost impossible to find time—much less energy—for each other, between the seemingly constant demands of the baby, the needs of other children, household chores, and the father’s work schedule. (In our society, not all fathers have the option of taking paternity leaves, which can help reduce these tensions.) Nights spent feeding, diapering, and walking the floor with a crying baby quickly take their toll in fatigue. If both parents don’t make up for this by relieving each other and taking naps, exhaustion can drive a large and unnecessary wedge between them.

At this time, some fathers also feel shut off from the child and from the mother’s attention and affections, especially if the baby is breastfed. The problem is not helped by the fact that the obstetrician usually prohibits sexual intercourse for these first few weeks. Even if it were allowed, many women simply aren’t interested in sexual activity for a while after delivery because of the physical exhaustion and emotional stress they may be experiencing now.

This conflict and the jealous feelings that may arise at this time are temporary. Life soon settles into a fairly regular routine that will once again give you some time to yourselves and restore your sex life and social activities to normal. Meanwhile, make an effort for just the two of you to spend some time together each day, and remember, you’re entitled to hold, hug, cuddle, and kiss each other as well as the baby.

Stay involved

A positive way for men to deal with these issues is to become as involved as possible in caring for and playing with the new baby. When you spend this extra time with your child, you’ll get just as emotionally attached to her as her mother will.

Moms and dads are different

This is not to say that moms and dads play with babies the same way. In general, fathers play to arouse and excite their babies, while mothers generally concentrate on more low-key stimulation such as gentle rocking, quiet interactive games, singing, and soothing activities. Fathers tend to roughhouse more, making lots of noise, and move the baby about more vigorously. The babies respond in kind, laughing and moving more with Dad than they do with Mom. From the baby’s viewpoint, both play styles are equally valuable and complement each other beautifully, which is another reason why it’s so important to have both of you involved in the care of the baby.

Parenting Class Online - Father's Feeling

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