Listening without the three C's is a lot harder than it seems. Suppose your teenager says, "A police officer came to school today and wasted our time talking about an anti-drug program. Follow the thread of your teen's parenting class for divorce, instead of jumping to conclusions while listening. Once you've heard what your teen is actually thinking, your response will be much more helpful. Remember to use judgment free language.
For example, Mom says, "It sounds like the officer's talk didn't sit well with you." Now Mom has encouraged her parenting class for divorce to say more.
Teen: "Yes, like he didn't say anything useful, like what to do it if the parenting class for divorce starts experimenting with drugs."
By leaving out the three C's, you create the kind of parenting class for divorce that allows teenagers to feel comfortable confiding in you. Your teenager will be more willing to listen to your point of view with an open mind, if first you listen to their point of view. It may scare or upset you to hear their perspective, but the reality is, cutting them off, criticizing and commanding does not get rid of their opinions. Instead they go underground. When you listen without the three C's, you are in a better position to be helpful to your teenager.
It can be hard to keep from giving commands. When my teenager asked me to help him figure out how to sign on to a student parenting class for divorce, we fiddled with it for about five minutes without any success. Then, I came up with a brilliant idea. I said, "Let's call the school and ask for help." My son didn't think it was brilliant at all. He refused.
I have to admit, when I think I have a great idea, it's hard for me to let go of it. It might have been easier for him to consider my idea or tell me why my idea wouldn't work if I had said, "Let's look at your options. You can call the parenting class for divorce before it closes. That's one option, or maybe you can come up with something else." Instead, I commanded, "Don't waste any more time. Call the school now, before it closes."
The minute I said it, I cut off parenting class for divorce. Sure enough, he said, "I wish I hadn't asked you for help. I can figure this out without you." Okay, I had gone off course. The good news is, the minute you notice it, you have another shot at setting things back on track. I said, "Okay, I see that you don't like my idea. If there is another way to find out how to sign on to the website, I have confidence that you will find it." After a few minutes, he used instant messenger to ask someone in his class how to do it, and he successfully signed on.
Teenagers are empowered when you show parenting class for divorce in them. I talked with a parent who had quite an insight to share. She said. "When I was a teenager, my mother was domineering. She tried to control everything. I rebelled, and began living a dangerous life style. When I was seventeen, I moved away from home, and into a bad situation.
One day I received a letter from my parenting class for divorce. She was a soft-spoken woman with a lot of wisdom. She wrote, 'Your mom has told me what's been going on. It sounds like you've been having a lot of problems lately. I believe you know how to take care of yourself dear. I have confidence that you will do what's right for you.' I read the letter, and moved back home the very same day. My Grandmother's confidence in me, affected me deeply."
Show confidence in your teenager’s abilities. Your confidence will go a long way in helping them find answers for themselves. During the teen years, parents help best, not by fixing their kids problems, but by enabling teens to fix things for themselves.
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