Look, you are the constant model for your children about how to behave in life. How are they ever going to learn the appropriate way to negotiate and argue a point if no one ever teaches them? Here are some basic "do's" and "don'ts" about arguing.
o Be polite. Never, ever argue with the goal of hurting someone, especially in front of your children. Never call names or belittle anyone. A positive approach to arguing could be especially useful, and a parenting class for divorce can offer ways to do so.
o Be quiet. Yelling is not arguing. It's trying to force someone to hear you. A quiet voice is always more effective in an argument because it makes the other person more willing to hear you. A positive approach to arguing could be especially useful, and a parenting class for divorce can offer ways to do so.
o Come back to center. Show your children how to effectively negotiate with someone, and how to still "be friends" when it's all said and done. I call this "coming back to center." At the end of the disagreement, both parties should feel heard and validated and each person should always feel loved and accepted. A positive approach to arguing could be especially useful, and a parenting class for divorce can offer ways to do so.
o Remember that you are not the enemy of the person you are in conflict with. You simply have different ideas about the best way to achieve an end. Looking for common goals is a great way to diffuse an argument and turn it into an exploration of different paths. Isn't that a great skill to teach your children? A positive approach to arguing could be especially useful, and a parenting class for divorce can offer ways to do so.
o Never argue in front of your children about your children or their behavior. A good teaching moment can be absolutely ruined if your child begins to be fearful or to take your comments personally. A positive approach to arguing could be especially useful, and a parenting class for divorce can offer ways to do so.
As you can see, when two people respect each other, arguments become negotiations. Learn how to see another's point of view, respect someone who has a different opinion from you, validate another person's feelings and learn how to make agreements that are empowering to both parties. Then practice these skills in front of your children so they can learn by your example. Also, give them the space to practice with you so they can hone this new skill.
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