Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, weddings, and summer vacations - these are special times in a family's life and can create lasting memories.
However, as treasured and important as these events are, some families try to make too much of them. Parents may try to turn each birthday party into the best one ever. Or they feel they have to fulfill every wish on their children's gift lists. Inevitably, that kind of attitude creates anxiety and disappointment, since few events turn out perfectly.
Parenting Programs helps making parties more special
Tell your child to draw up a list of things he wants so that you and others who plan to give him gifts have something to choose from. Have him underline or indicate his top preferences in some other manner. This way, he will understand from the beginning that he won't get everything on the list, and he won't be disappointed. And if you can, try to surprise him with something not on his list.
If your family budget does not allow you to buy your child most of what he wants, do not feel guilty; instead, buy one or two gifts that will mean the most, rather than a dozen that don't. Even if you can provide for your child's every wish, some selectivity can teach him to set priorities and to learn values.
More important, spend time with and show your love for your child; this is much more significant and lasting than material items. Remember that special events - from family gatherings to attendance at school recitals - are times to demonstrate the specialness of the people you care about.
Parenting Programs on how to having family vacations
A summer vacation needs careful planning, not only taking the children's input into account, but also paying attention to how the adults want to spend it. Planning vacations is a good opportunity for families to sit down and talk together. A family vacation needs to be everyone's vacation, and that may mean not going to the place that the children have put at the top of their list. ("Dad and I have decided that we're not going to Disney World again; this summer, we're going to a national park for some camping.") As long as your destination has something there for your children, you do not necessarily have to go where they want to every year.
In making decisions about vacations, think back to the summers of your own childhood. What did you like most about your family vacations? What do you wish you had done more often? The answers to these questions will help guide you toward what may be important to your own child. More than anything, children remember that their vacations took them to locations other than their home, that the family got to spend time together, and that there were long days and memorable experiences they did not get to enjoy the rest of the year.
Finally, when planning your vacation, be realistic. Too often, parents try to squeeze too much into the vacation, and the family ends up finding their time together stressful, not relaxing.
Parenting Programs: Why are family routines so important to children?
Every family needs routines. They help to organize life and keep it from becoming too chaotic. Children do best when routines are regular, predictable, and consistent.
One of a family's greatest challenges is to establish comfortable, effective routines, which should achieve a happy compromise between the disorder and confusion that can occur without them and the rigidity and boredom that can come with too much structure and regimentation, where children are given no choice and little flexibility.
As a parent, review the routines in your household to ensure that they accomplish what you want.
Parenting Programs: Weekday Mornings
To make the household function well in the morning, everyone needs to know what has to be done to get ready for the day. Try the following:
Parenting Programs: After School
During middle childhood, children need adult supervision. While some parents have their children return each afternoon to an empty home, these "latchkey" kids are more susceptible to misbehavior, risk-taking, and anxiety. For this age group, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that a child come home to a parent, other adult, or a responsible adolescent.
Parenting Programs: Evenings
Dinner should be an important time for your family. As often as possible, all family members should eat together at the dinner table, without the distraction of television or radio. During dinner the family can share the day's activities and participate in enjoyable conversation. Everyone should be encouraged to take part, and negative comments and criticism should be discouraged.
Parenting Programs: Bedtime
On school nights, children need a regular time to go to sleep. Lights can go out at different times for different children in the family, depending on how much sleep each youngster needs. Nighttime rituals can help ease a youngster to sleep. These rituals can include storytelling, reading aloud, conversation, and songs. Try to avoid exciting play and activities before bedtime.
Parenting Programs: Weekends
Weekends are good times for family togetherness. You might go shopping as a family, visit museums and zoos, do chores that everyone participates in, go on hikes or bike rides, or attend religious services. On weekends children in the middle years can usually be allowed a later bedtime than during the week. Keep in mind that, although family time is essential, it is equally important for parents to set aside some time just for themselves.
Parenting Programs: How can we help our child develop a healthy sense of self-esteem?
By definition, self-esteem is the way in which an individual perceives herself-in other words, her own thoughts and feelings about herself and her ability to achieve in ways that are important to her. This self-esteem is shaped not only by a child's own perceptions and expectations, but also by the perceptions and expectations of significant people in her life-how she is thought of and treated by parents, teachers and friends. The closer her perceived self (how she sees herself) comes to her ideal self (how she would like to be), the higher her self-esteem.
Parenting Programs: Helping Your Child Develop A Healthy Sense of Self Esteem
For healthy self-esteem, children need to develop or acquire some or all of the following characteristics:
A sense of security.
Your child must feel secure about herself and her future. ("What will become of me?")
A sense of belonging.
Your youngster needs to feel accepted and loved by others, beginning with the family and then extending to groups such as friends, schoolmates, sports teams, a church or temple and even a neighborhood or community. Without this acceptance or group identity, she may feel rejected, lonely, and adrift without a "home," "family" or "group."
A sense of purpose.
Your child should have goals that give her purpose and direction and an avenue for channeling her energy toward achievement and self-expression. If she lacks a sense of purpose, she may feel bored, aimless, even resentful at being pushed in certain directions by you or others.
A sense of personal competence and pride.
Your child should feel confident in her ability to meet the challenges in her life. This sense of personal power evolves from having successful life experiences in solving problems independently, being creative and getting results for her efforts. Setting appropriate expectations, not too low and not too high, is critical to developing competence and confidence. If you are overprotecting her, and if she is too dependent on you, or if expectations are so high she never succeeds, she may feel powerless and incapable of controlling the circumstances in her life.
A sense of trust.
Your child needs to feel trust in you and in herself. Toward this goal, you should keep promises, be supportive and give your child opportunities to be trustworthy. This means believing your child, and treating her as an honest person.
A sense of responsibility.
Give your child a chance to show what she is capable of doing. Allow her to take on tasks without being checked on all the time. This shows trust on your part, a sort of "letting go" with a sense of faith.
A sense of contribution.
Your child will develop a sense of importance and commitment if you give her opportunities to participate and contribute in a meaningful way to an activity. Let her know that she really counts.
A sense of making real choices and decisions.
Your child will feel empowered and in control of events when she is able to make or influence decisions that she considers important. These choices and decisions need to be appropriate for her age and abilities, and for the family's values.
A sense of self-discipline and self-control.
As your child is striving to achieve and gain more independence, she needs and wants to feel that she can make it on her own. Once you give her expectations, guidelines, and opportunities in which to test herself, she can reflect, reason, problem-solve and consider the consequences of the actions she may choose. This kind of self-awareness is critical for her future growth.
A sense of encouragement, support and reward.
Not only does your child need to achieve, but she also needs positive feedback and recognition - a real message that she is doing well, pleasing others and "making it." Encourage and praise her, not only for achieving a set goal but also for her efforts, and for even small increments of change and improvement. ("I like the way you waited for your turn," "Good try; you're working harder," "Good girl!") Give her feedback as soon as possible to reinforce her self-esteem and to help her connect your comments to the activity involved.
A sense of accepting mistakes and failure.
Your child needs to feel comfortable, not defeated, when she makes mistakes or fails. Explain that these hurdles or setbacks are a normal part of living and learning, and that she can learn or benefit from them. Let your supportive, constructive feedback and your recognition of her effort overpower any sense of failure, guilt, or shame she might be feeling, giving her renewed motivation and hope. Again, make your feedback specific ("If you throw the ball like this, it might help") and not negative and personal ("You are so clumsy," "You'll never make it").
A sense of family self-esteem.
Your child's self-esteem initially develops within the family and thus is influenced greatly by the feelings and perceptions that a family has of itself. Some of the preceding comments apply to the family in building its self-esteem. Also, bear in mind that family pride is essential to self-esteem and can be nourished and maintained in many ways, including participation or involvement in community activities, tracing a family's heritage and ancestors, or caring for extended family members. Families fare better when members focus on each other's strengths, avoid excessive criticism and stick up for one another outside the family setting. Family members believe in and trust each other, respect their individual differences and show their affection for each other. They make time for being together, whether to share holidays, special events or just to have fun.
Last Updated
5/19/2011
Source
Caring for Your School-Age Child: Ages 5 to 12 (Copyright © 2003 American Academy of Pediatrics)